LET'S PISS OFF
EVERYONE
I'd just come out of the shop with a large roast beef sandwich, chips,
ear of corn & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sat there and said
'I've
not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.
A fat
girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime.
She said 'sorry about the wait'. I
said,
'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.
I walked past
a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he
looked at me and said 'Any Change?'
I said, 'Nope, you're still black'.
Snow
in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches
tonight.
I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!
A 10-year
old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man passing by asks
'What's wrong, lad?'
The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.'
'Oh bejaysus,'
The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?'
The boy replies,
'No tanks mister, sex is the last thing on me mind at the moment.'
Years ago
it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the
doctors are now Muslim,
I've found that a bacon sandwich works
best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her
mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days
when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself. I'm going to take that.'
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa
.
He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him,
where am I?
The farmer looks back up and shouts back.
You're in a basket you dumb
shit!
I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last
question which I got wrong.
The question was where do women have the curliest
hair?
Fiji was the correct answer...
hell, how did I know they wanted the name
of a country?
I took my Biology exam last Friday.
I was asked to name two
things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the
correct answers.
I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but
pissing every one off is a piece of cake.
