Desperate Tourism Authority Revokes Exit Visas
All foreign visitors now required to stay indefinitely, purchase at least one wooden elephant
Bangkok – Facing the steepest drop in tourist arrivals in over 20 years, the Tourism Authority of Thailand announced drastic measures this week to maintain tourist revenues over the crucial holiday season. Reversing long-standing trends in restricting both the numbers of foreign visitors given visas as well as the time they are permitted to stay the in the Kingdom, the Immigration Bureau is now revoking all previous entry requirements and instead restricting those who are permitted to leave.
“Thailand has always been the most welcoming country in Asia,” said Jitlada Boronmuang, a TAT spokesperson. “Now we’re open to everyone, including Russian mafia, convicted pedophiles, and exiled citizens convicted of economic crimes against the country.”
According to new information posted on the Immigration Bureau website, foreign arrivals will now be given a 10-year entry visa at the airport, along with honorary Thai citizenship. The visa also comes with a 1-year minimum, which prohibits anyone from leaving for 365 days. However, Jitlada says that this should be no problem since there are so many things to do and see in Thailand. “From our world-famous beach islands to the green hills of the north, Thailand has something for every day of your mandatory stay,” she explained. “We especially encourage our new guests to explore our wide variety of hotels and shopping malls, which have plenty of occupancy and lots of inventory in stock.”
Effective immediately, all incoming international round-trip flights will become one-way flights, with all exiting flights subject to a lengthy application process. Additionally, arriving visitors will be stripped of their former nationalities and passports, assigned new Thai ID cards. They will be permitted to keep all ATM cards and credit cards.
Response to the new rules was been mixed, with many arriving passengers uncertain about their new lives in Thailand. “We were just planning on a 2-week holiday in Phuket,” said “Lars Skaarskard, a Swedish national who arrived with his entire family. “But I guess we could spend a year here. The weather is nice and I think the kids should learn a third language anyway.”
Members of Thailand’s existing expatriate community were universally positive in praising the new rules. “No more visa runs? Thank god,” said Arthur Coleman, a freelance writer. “Now I can really get down to the business of doing f**k all.”
