Dagens skämthistoria

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them:

"It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it'z illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

“Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile", the German retorts unbelievingly.

"Look at ze papers: zis car is designt to kerry 5 persons."

"You can'ta pulla thata one on me!", replies the Italian customs agent.

“Quattro meansa four. You hava fivea people ina your car and you are

thereforea breaking the law."

The German driver replies angrily, - "You idi*t! Call your zupervisor

over, I vant to speak to somevone viz more intelligence!"

"Sorry", responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come. He'sa busy

witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred- ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'

She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'.

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic fainted

If you're not sure what a 710 is

Bra Pontus

Det tog faktiskt 23 sekunder innan poletten ramlade ner

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.

The Italian Customs agent stops them and tells them:

"It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro."

"Vot do you mean it'z illegal?" asks the German driver.

"Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official.

“Quattro is just ze name of ze automobile", the German retorts unbelievingly.

"Look at ze papers: zis car is designt to kerry 5 persons."

"You can'ta pulla thata one on me!", replies the Italian customs agent.

“Quattro meansa four. You hava fivea people ina your car and you are

thereforea breaking the law."

The German driver replies angrily, - "You idi*t! Call your zupervisor

over, I vant to speak to somevone viz more intelligence!"

"Sorry", responds the Italian official, "he can'ta come. He'sa busy

witha 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

Hej,

Då måste en Fiat 500 vara godkänd som buss!

TPP

Hej,

Då måste en Fiat 500 vara godkänd som buss!

TPP

Saab 9000

HAPPY COUPLE

Once upon a time a couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret.

Editor: "Sir. It's unbelievable. How did you make this possible?" Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had our honeymoon after marriage. we selected the horse riding, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?".

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!".

Husband: "That's it. I understood her, I accepted her as it is, and hence we are happy ever after. "

One of the Secrets to become Happy is:

"ACCEPT THE PERSON AS IT IS"

Försöker igen då :

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?

I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blond. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde,"but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World.

Mvh

BBJ

Frun hade köpt väldigt dyra underkläder & mannen blev riktigt förbannad när han hittade kvittot.

- Men snälla du fjäskade frun,

du skulle väl aldrig förvänta dig ett fint vin i en ful flaska ?

- Nej svarade mannen men jag skulle aldrig slå in en död mus

i ett fint presentpapper heller.

En tjej står vid baren och skall beställa när en slemmig btt kommer fram och börjar stöta på henne.

Tjejen vänder sig till killen och säger:

- Du borde åka till Gävle!.

-Till Gävle?

undrar killen.

Ja, svarar tjejen, dom behöver en bock som ingen tänder på.

En man bor själv på en gård, han skriver till sin son som sitter i fängelse:

- Jag kan inte odla potatis i år. Jag är för gammal för att gräva upp åkern.

Snart så får han ett brev tillbaks från sonen.

- Du kan inte gräva i åkern, det var där jag grävde ner... liken!!!

Nästa morgon kom folk från Polisen. De grävde upp hela åkern men hittade ingenting.

Snart får bonden ett brev igen.

- Nu farsan kan du sätta potatis.

Det var det bästa jag kunde göra härifrån.

Väl nere i trosorna får finnen tag i snöret på tampongen.

Han ser på henne med stora ögon och ropar:

- voi satan har du startsnöre?

Väl nere i trosorna får finnen tag i snöret på tampongen.

Han ser på henne med stora ögon och ropar:

- voi satan har du startsnöre?

Tror att du inte känner någon riktig finne.

Vad tusan har du din syster i koppel, jag gillar dubbelmacka..

FF (FinnFan)

Tror att du inte känner någon riktig finne.

Vad tusan har du din syster i koppel, jag gillar dubbelmacka..

FF (FinnFan)

Hos frisören vill Ni ha nåt gott i håret?

Ja tack RÄKSALLAD!

One day, shortly after joining the PGA tour in 1965, Lee Trevino, a professional golfer and married man, was at his home in Dallas, Texas mowing his front lawn, as he always did.

A lady driving by in a big, shiny Cadillac stopped in front of his house, lowered the window and asked,

"Excuse me, do you speak English?"

Lee responded,

"Yes M'aam, I do"

The lady then asked,

"What do you charge to do yard work ?"

Lee said,

"Well, the lady in this house lets me sleep with her".

The lady hurriedly put the car into gear and sped off.

Mvh

BBJ

Jag var på den offentliga toaletten och hade just satt mig, när en röst från toaletten bredvid sade:

"Hej!, Hur mår du?"

Generat svarade jag,:

"jag mår bra".

Rösten sade:

..."Så vad håller du på med?"

Jag sade:

"Jag gör bara samma som du, sitter här!".

Från den andra toaletten hördes:

"Kan jag komma över?"

Irriterat svarade jag:

"Ganska upptagen just nu"

Rösten sade:

"Hör du, jag måste ringa tillbaka, det är en idi*t här bredvid som svarar på alla mina frågor ".